Why people consider swinging and open relationships.

Many people who do not understand the mentality of couple in an open, polly, or swinging relationship would consider these people sex perverts. However we have personally interviewed many people who have taken alternatives to the standard relationship and are convinced that it is the rest of us who may have it all wrong !

The first thing we noticed, is that everyone we spoke to agreed that opening up your relationship will not work for everyone. You must have a very secure relationship in the first place, before you can even consider swinging or another adult lifestyle. You must also be able to communicate with your partner on a very "deep" personal level, which sadly many of us fail to do. The main problem you would encounter on "opening up" your relationship to others is the fatal emotion of Jealousy, once "set in" it can destroy a weak relationship in a flash !! This is why to enter into a non monogamous relationship you must first learn to control jealousy and get to a position where you can BOTH feel 100% comfortable with the idea of sharing your partner with another.

Choosing to open up your relationship will depend largely on you psychological make up and beliefs of course and many couples find a "traditional" relationship works for them just fine. If you are religious for example then you may automatically reject the idea of anything else but monogamy, because of the constraints of your beliefs. In a way society does that to us too, we all tend to just go along with the "norm" and automatically expecting that it is the best, if not the only way to live life and have relationships.

However, just as there are many cultures and religions throughout the world and they all seem to "work" yet all differ greatly, then it would then be a little naive to think that only a "traditional" monogamous relationship could ever work for you! In fact, most, of the couples we talked too said that opening up their relationship, to involve others, was the best thing they ever done. Although, some did have a few problems and issues to start with, in no time they both got used to the new way of thinking and relaxed into their new lifestyle.

The reasons for wanting to "swing" or open up your relationship to others are many and each couple has their own.


Mark and Jennifer Ages - 38 & 42

It was my wife who actually bought up the idea of swinging when we were on the Costa del Sol taking our annual holiday. I had known for a while that she was a little bi curious and she suggested maybe we could meet a couple.
I was a little taken back at first, but the idea actually turned me on, as we continued talking about it we both got quite aroused. My wife telling me she wanted to try sex with another woman was a good starter, but then she told me she would like to be fucked by another man too. I was a little uncomfortable with that at first but then the idea started to turn me on too and the fact that i was to be a participant.  We studied various ways we could meet with a suitable couple and decided on the Internet as a way of contacting like minded couples.

After a few days we were set to hook up with a couple, same ages as ourselves, although they had had some experience. It was a very nervous first meeting, we almost decided against it, but not wanting to be branded time wasters we arrived at the meeting location. The couple were a lot like us and after less than half an hour we had all relaxed and were chatting like old friends. A few drinks later and we were invited back to their place, where they offered us another drink and the chatting continued. I am going to call the couple Paul and Jill to make it easy, they were a very attractive couple and I could tell that we both considered them our type.

A little time went by and i notice Jill's hand on my wife's leg, genlty rubbing and moving up closer to her crotch, then Paul came and sat with them and started on her other leg, She was offering no resistance!  Before i knew it they were both undressing her and Jill started to gently lick her pussy, while paul was licking her nipples and kissing her. She was loving it and i was getting very aroused watching the show. Then Jill beckoned me over and turned her attentions to my cock while Paul carried on with Jennifer. It's was a very erotic affair and we all continued swapping, playing and fucking well into the early hours. Since that time we have met a few couples and have some regular playmates, it has become our way of life really. We enjoy the social side as much as the sex and have found that it has made our own relationship a lot stronger and more fun.

Some people who have tried swinging swear by it and say that it has kept their relationship and sex life going strong, others said it destroyed it. Checking the statistics and it seems that swinging couples have a lower overall break up or divorce rate than regular monogamous couples. So it would appear that many swingers must be doing something right. Most swingers tend to be couples over the age of 30 who have been in a relationship for some time and are ready to explore something new. There are of course, single women and guys that sometimes do enjoy joining couples and may be welcome at some swinger's functions, but many couples do prefer to meet other couples, as there is a better natural social connection between them.


So is swinging or an open relationship for you?

We think first you need to understand it and why people do it a little more. The definition of swinging is when a couple in a relationship or marriage agrees to engage in intimate encounters with another person or couple, maybe as part of a threesome or foursome or group. However swinging is about friendship and socializing, as much as it is about enjoying sex. Not all swingers allow full sex some just like same room fun, others allow only some degree of, flirting, kissing, touching or masturbation (soft swingers). Often it can and does include full intercourse and full swapping of partners, either together, in a group or in separate rooms. Swinging is not like cheating, as your partner knows about everything. You are simply sharing yourselves with another person or couple. To be swingers you need to have a very close and understanding relationship. You need to be able to tell your partner everything and to have total trust in each other. You have to be able to set aside jealousy and be able to accept seeing your partner enjoying intimacy and possibly full sex with another person. It may sound exciting, and it can be! But only if you are close enough to accept your other half as a person and be pleased to allow them to enjoy themselves, because you love them and want to get the most out of life together. If you cant think that way and are jealous or insecure in your relationship, then it could be your worst nightmare!
Swinging is for adults who understand sexual and emotional liberation.

Open relationships:
Having an open relationship maybe requires even more trust in your partner. In an open relationship one or both partners is free to engage in intimacy outside of the relationship. Sometimes this only goes so far as some couples make rules as to how far the other is allowed to go. But do you trust your partner? Would they tell you if they had got carried away, how would you know if they were telling the truth? Would they like the other person more than you and leave you for them? If those types of questions enter your head then an open relationship is not for you! An open relationship requires utmost faith in your partner, total honesty and trust, but there are thousands of couples swinging and in open relationships that really do work. Plenty of people do find a way to get the balance and variety they need to make life stay interesting while staying with the one they love, and giving their partner the opportunity to do the same. Loving more that one person is very possible, it's only really our social constraints that get in the way.

Women and swinging:
It is one of the myths about swinging that eager males just wanting more sex drag most women into it. That is not the truth! While their partners have persuaded many women into it, it is very often the women who wish to continue the lifestyle, rather than the guys. In fact it is women who are the real stars of swinging and these days there are many women hosting wingers parties and let's face it without willing ladies swinging would never exist. The lifestyle brings about many more benefits than just sex to a relationship, it is a social way of life and the meeting of many people in a close intimate way brings women much of the emotional and social needs that they require with the added touch of sexual excitement and freedom. Swinging can take different forms, but with genuine swingers it is not all "gang bangs" and sex, there is a social and intimate side too and many women soon come to love this lifestyle. Not that women don't enjoy the sex too, women are just as capable of enjoying sex as men and once relaxed they can become very aroused by new sexual opportunity.

Men and Swinging (For the girls):
It is true that men are sexual opportunists, they can quite easy separate emotional and sexual connections and to many men the idea of swinging or an open relationship is usually a great idea! Reality however is often not the same as the fantasy! Men are often far more jealous than women, he would love to be able to "get it on" with another female, but he is not s comfortable when you "get it on" with another man. He is more prone to ask all the questions like "was it bigger than mine", "was he better than me", but answer yes (even if true) and he may start to brew that jealousy, even if he does not immediately show it. Once the jealousy is brewing it will not be long to the end of your swinging days and possibly your relationship. Indeed often it is the man who is the cause of a split relationship due to swinging, even if it was his idea in the first place! 

Of course not all men are like this, some actually enjoy watching their partner enjoy sex with another and are very comfortable with an open relationship, but beware, swinging works, but it is not for everyone.

Wrong perceptions of swingers.
Some people disagree with the idea of swinging; they assume all swingers are just perverts or sex junkies. They cannot see beyond the boundaries that society lays down for "Normal" relationships. Swingers actually get far more than just sex, the social aspects and multiple emotional connections are far more addictive than sex alone. We have grown up with societies "normality" rules, and those who go against these rules are always looked down upon by the "Oh so correct ". People who practice sexual and personal freedom, between consenting adults, are not bad people, they are individuals. They have chosen to take a different path in life to the normal, maybe one that suits them better, sexually, emotionally and maybe (some suggest) even spiritually !

To Swing or not to swing, that is the question! 

 

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